Wel”comeback” fashionista

A shoot like this would have never happened 3 years ago. Me, rocking sexy lingerie, showing off my ass in public? Exuding confidence and sexual energy? Never. He would have never allowed it. You see, I was a different girl then. In a different place. In the course of 7 years, I had completely lost who I was. My identity. My strength. My voice. I was in a relationship where everything I did was criticized. From the way that I spoke to the music I listened to, the shows I watched on TV, the clothes I wore, and yes, even the blog. That is why I stopped blogging in the first place. The last time I gave any attention to my blog was almost 3 years ago. Hard to believe it’s been that long. Hard to believe that I abandoned that blog baby I wanted so much and worked so hard for. Even harder to believe, that I had abandoned myself. 

When I first decided to create the blog, he had a lot of questions. One question that always seemed to come up, was about the photographers I worked with. Coming from a Fashion Styling background, I knew that I could find photographers to work with me on a TFP (Trade for Prints) basis. He found that hard to believe, that photographers would work for “free” but it wasn’t for free. I got the pics I needed for my blog, and they used the pics to grow their portfolio. Even exchange. New photographers are especially open to TFP shoots, but there are veteran photographers out there who are still willing to do TFP shoots, especially if the shoots are outside of what they would normally do as it allows them to show their range as a photographer and adds variety to their portfolios. Trying to explain this to him often caused friction between us. So I just stopped explaining, and just stopped blogging altogether. 

This comeback shoot is so important to me because it was the first shoot I did as a SINGLE woman.! (You have no idea how PROUD I am to say that! Especially at events where they ask “Where my single ladies at tonight?!” I SCREAM that shit out loud and with all my might!!) It was the first shoot I did as the free-spirited, uncensored, and liberated individual I’ve always been. This shoot was provocative and rebellious. It represents true independence and the freedom to be ME, without anyone telling me that I couldn’t or trying to fit into a mold of some false version of myself someone else had created for me. This is me living my life on my terms, with no rules other than to love and accept myself fully as the beautiful Peacock that I am, and to be the best and most authentic version of myself without giving a fuck about what anyone else might think. Especially some “man.”

The black sexy lingerie represents the free sexual spirit that has always lived inside of me. That spirit that he knew was in me all along and that he tried to make me feel ashamed of and had suppressed for so long. The wings represent the freedom of having the courage to finally break free from that toxicity. The balls to finally admit and say out loud, “Yo, I’m unhappy and I can’t do this anymore.” 

Is there a moral to this story? Not sure. I’d be lying if I said that I’m still not working through the trauma I didn’t even realize I had endured throughout my time with him. I’m still trying to shake his old narrative that still plays in my head from time time to time. I am much stronger now. I realize that healing is a process. That yes, he is responsible for his part in it, but I had a part in it too for allowing it to go on for so long. For allowing someone else to control how the story of my life went, when I had the pen all along. For a long time I was mourning that girl that I was when I was with him. I was sad for that girl. At times, even angry at her. But I knew that it was up to me to open the cage, spread out those wings, and just fucking fly.. Away from the bullshit, and back to myself. 🖤

With Style & Pizazz,

YAZ

Photography: La Leche del Arte

Lingerie: Frederick’s of Hollywood

Trench Coat: Amazon.com

Shoes & Accessories: Blogger’s own